Patience. This is not something that I possess much of. But patience comes in many forms. There is the kind of patience when you are running late for work and the person in front of you is driving 10 miles under the speed limit. I do NOT have this kind. There is the type of patience when you are waiting in a doctor's office for your visit and they are running an hour behind. I somewhat have this type, especially if I have my Kindle. There is patience with blood sugar numbers and waiting to see if they come before making a decision of what to do next. Definitely have this patience. There is a special kind of patience with kids and waiting for them to understand, not losing your cool. I do pretty well with this one too...most of the time.
Then, there is patience that has to do with your future and making future plans. This, this is the patience that I have ZERO of. I have patience with my kids. I had patience with my marriage and waiting to see if things would change for us. I have had patience with my current relationship and waiting for my boyfriend to get his feelings in order. I do NOT have patience with waiting to see what happens a year from now. It makes me insane. I am such an instant gratification kind of person. If I ask a question and it's something really important to me, I'd like to know the answer 2.2 seconds after I ask it. And if I do not get that answer, I will obsess over it...uncontrollably. If I make a decision to do something for my future, I want to do it that second. It is hard for me to even wait until the next morning. When the thought crossed my mind at noon on a Sunday that I wanted to work for the UT Type 1 Diabetes Center and get it up and running, by 2 PM on the same Sunday, I had called the necessary people and had an interview in the works. By Thursday of that week, I had the job. It's how I roll. But this year, 2011, I would like to slow down...train my mind to take things one day at a time. Let things settle in. Let the changes settle in. It's okay at times to go for the gusto with full force but not all situations should be handled that way. Especially when other people are involved. Especially when other people don't roll the same way I do. So as with everyday of my life over the last few months, it is a learning process and a time of reflection. I want to better myself. I am happy with who I am. I am happy to be a strong-minded person. I am happy to be aggressive. I just need to learn to control all of these feeings and not just react or act upon them immediately.
Big, huge sigh. This is not easy for this very type A little lady.