Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sleepover Update...

 I have been so busy with the new job and the girls that I haven't had any time to write!

So, the sleepover went really, really well. Lily's numbers went from crazy high (580) to perfect all night. The mom checked her frequently, kept in contact with me all night via text, and was just pure awesomeness. Seriously awesome.

I was so thankful that I invited her out for drinks this past week. And I just love her. Adore her. We had so much fun laughing and talking all night. We stayed out too late, drank too much, and became fast friends. She is good people for sure.

And the best part...Lily has a new "BFF." We are reciprocating with a sleepover this Friday so that this little girl can go to the JDRF walk with us. Matt and I are having dinner with their family Friday night first. And...the girls are trick or treating together. I couldn't be happier. Big. Huge. Sigh. Of. Relief. from this D Mama.

What a night that was.

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Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Sleepover...

 Tonight is the big night. The sleepover. Aaaaaaccckkkk!!!!

Lily was invited to her first sleepover birthday party and after lots of consideration, a sleepless night, and tons of advice asked from my D friends and D Mamas...I decided to let her go. I spoke with the mother of the child whose party it is and she is happy to check Lily over night. Lily's numbers are never consistent overnight. I just did a basal test over night about a month ago and her basal was fine. Not so much now.

So, we woke up this morning, ate bagels and changed her site. We are still somewhat new to the Animas pump since we switched from the Omnipod and MDI all in this year. I am pushing the site in too hard or something because when I checked Lily about an hour ago...I got a big ol' 508 on the screen. Seriously?? Today?? UGH.

She is still going to the party after a site change, a huge correction, and a waiting it out period to see if she drops.

This is what the Inset looked like when I took it off. Nice. Super duper. Piece of shit disease!

I find myself feeling very envious of the other mothers that are just going to swing on by and drop their children off without a concern of what blood sugars will be doing, carb counting, insulin on board, being checked over night, dropping numbers, etc. etc. etc. She will be fine. Right? She will be fine...

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Friday, October 7, 2011


 Today is a No D Day, started by Ninjabetic at The B.A.D. Blog, aka George Simmons, and I needed a break today so this is awesome!!

So, last night, we took Lily to Red Lobster because she wanted crab legs to celebrate her special day! I had already decided earlier in the day, and told the girls, that we would be indulging in dessert for our little celebration of a healthy life!

We ate dinner, shared lots of giggles, some great food, a little wine and milk, etc. Once it was dessert time, Lily grabbed the menu and started looking through the pictures. She let out a huge gasp when she looked at the chocolate cake that she had wanted earlier in the day! Look at this picture...

HOLY HELL! Lily couldn't believe how many calories were in this chocolate cake!! Granted...she is more aware of healthy foods than most...and certainly more so than a SEVEN year old, but damn! 1490 calories for a dessert?? So, you count that in addition to the dinner you just had you have probably met TWO days worth of caloric intake for an ADULT. I was flabbergasted (love that word).

The waitress came over and asked what we had decided on. Lily set the menu down and said in a very serious, grown up voice," It is ridiculous and really unhealthy to have a dessert on here that is that bad for you. I will have one small scoop of vanilla ice cream."

I looked at the waitress and said, "We will all have the same." Then, I started giggling. I told her how proud of her I was. She cracks me up! She is so aware of what she puts in her little body and wants to grow into a healthy adult. We talk constantly about how food runs your body, and exercise. I let her indulge on all things but in small amounts. I was totally excited that she made a choice to go with a healthier option all on her own though! So, she and Abby took their time devouring their ice cream and loved every bite!



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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Year Four...

 In exactly 43 minutes, it will be Lily's anniversary with diabetes. She was actually hospitalized four years ago today but wasn't given the official diagnoses until October 7th. Some years, this day floats by without a hitch. This year, I sit here in tears, in the dark, in my den. My almost 8 year old is asleep in the room next to my bed. Again. I miscalculated her carbs at lunch and she was high at dinner. So now, I am worried about her numbers overnight and that she might go low. So, I put her in my bed so I can hear her sweet breaths throughout the night. This disease is exhausting. It is all consuming. And it never stops. Ever.

We got home from dinner tonight and Lily was so excited to show me an invitation her new friend at school gave her. She is turning eight next Saturday and invited Lily to a sleepover party. My heart sank. Part of me says to let her go and have fun and be a kid...the other part thinks she is too young, I don't know the parents or the child, and can I keep her safe? So, I am at a crossroads here. My gut is to let her do this and let her be a little girl like the rest of her class. I won't sleep a wink that night and that is okay...but will she be okay? I am pretty sure I will feel this way the entire time she is out from under my roof throughout her life. That in itself is a lot to deal with.

So, I find myself in this dark place every now and again. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I need a good cry and a strong shoulder to lean on. I just need for those around me to understand and to "get it." Life is not all perfect for anyone, diabetes or not. I usually work my ass off to stay positive about our is a great life after all. But guess what? Sometimes diabetes gets the best of me. Sometimes I look at Lily and I just want to literally scoop this disease out of her...and beat the shit out of it. Sometimes I look at her and I think of all of the hurdles she is going to have to face and I want to shield her from it. And I can't. It's life. It's her beautiful, wonderful, imperfect life. The fact that SHE has to live with this forever is what makes me cry. I was staring at her at dinner in amazement at how big she is getting and how smart she is. How beautiful she is. How responsible and mature and loving and sweet. I was playing with her little hand and the tips of her fingers are covered by little holes where I pierce her skin ten times a day. And the severity that I am keeping her alive hits me. And the tears start.

So, we celebrated living a healthy life in spite of diabetes today. I kept it together all day. I was in the shittiest of moods and I didn't know why. I get it now. It hits me sometimes. Plain and simple. It hit me today. It's been four years. Four years of kicking ass and living well. And we will do it again tonight and tomorrow and every day after. I just needed a break to let the emotions flow...

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Twenty Years Too Many...

The day had finally come and I could barely drive to the airport, I was so excited! Not only was I getting to see my amazing boyfriend after a month, I was flying to Reston, Virginia for my twentieth reunion from high school. How did twenty years go by? Wow...And I had not been to Reston in ten years. That is even crazier.

I had the best time while living in Reston. The friends I made in elementary school through high school were just so much fun and we really grew up together...grew into who we are today. There is something so warming about being around people that have known you since before puberty even hit!

We spent the first night at Lakeside Inn saying our hellos for the first time in a decade or more. We spent all day Saturday having some down time and doing some shopping. We then went to the reunion. It was so nice to see everyone! No one has changed, everyone is just as beautiful as they were in high school, and everyone seemed to be happy! That made me very know that my oldest friends are doing so well. We all have kids, we have all been or are married, and we have all matured into being just adults...there were no feelings of trying to keep up or trying outdo...just plain and simple fun!

For those that don't know...I met Matt in junior high. We then went to high school together but ran in different crowds. We reconnected on Facebook of all things last year and the rest is history. So, it was especially fun to make this trip with him.

Now, I am home and waiting to start my new job on Monday! I am so looking forward to what lies ahead. Things are very exciting right now. I am looking forward to my future and that is SUCH a nice thing!!! Now if only I could get some motivation! This weekend killed me. I am not twenty anymore and don't do late nights well...only to come home to diabetes-induced late nights! I need to catch up!

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