Friday, January 21, 2011

Eating Out...

I have decided I hate eating out. At least I hate eating out with with diabetes. Loathe it actually. Last night, Lily had basketball. We pass one of her favorite restaurants to and from basketball each time we go. I had quit taking them there a few years ago when the prices started to rise...a lot. So, last night, she brought it up again while I happened to be checking mail. Low and behold, TXU sent me a $55 gift Visa card. Don't know why and don't care...we went to dinner.

We were so excited. It was like Girls Night Out with me and the girls! There was a fireplace with a fire going, it was all cozy, great Greek food, etc. When we first walked in, the waitress that used to wait on us so many years ago, immediately recognized Lily. She almost died when I told her Lily is now 7. She was much younger the last time we had seen her. And it was pre-diabetes.

We go in, sit down, color, order, I get wine and olive bread (who can resist), and I pull out all of our hoopla for checking Lily. I've got needles, alcohol, wipes, insulin, etc. all laid out on the table. Abby picks this precise moment to need to pee. So, we ALL get up and go to the bathroom. When I get back to the table, the poor little waiter guy is standing there with my wine staring at the diabetes mess I had left out. He looked at me and said, "Umm, I didn't know where to set this." I said, "How about on the table?" It was a little rude, I admit, but WTF? It's not like there wasn't a square of space left. Use your brain people...medical supplies aren't going to kill you.

I check Lily's blood sugar and can feel all eyes on us from people sitting around us. I am used to this but for some reason, last night, it was making me uncomfortable, sad, and angry all at the same time. I looked up and saw our sweet waitress looking at Lily dumbfounded with tears in her eyes. She had no idea what all had occurred over the last few years. It was the strangest feeling. I wanted to get up and hug her and tell her we are okay...yet I wanted to smack the shit out of her for staring like that too. What if Lily had noticed? What if Lily does notice and I don't realize it? She is so damned young to have to deal with this! I hate it. I hate this monster. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. With a passion I hate diabetes.

Lily orders a chicken gyro sandwich and has one piece of olive bread. I cover what I thought was a good amount of carbs. Well, at 11 PM, she was in the 300's. Nice. I give her insulin and set the alarm for 1:30. She's in the high 400's. Ugh. I give her another shot, pick her up, and carry her to my bed since I know I have a long night of blood sugar checks ahead of me. I was exhausted and it's easier to just roll over than to get up and walk around. Her number came down and she was in perfect range this morning. She bounced off to school all excited for "Open Work Day." I dragged my ass to work...exhausted and annoyed. Thank God it's Friday!!


  1. Lilly needs to have her 'elevator talk' all ready for when people notice that something different is happening with her when you take her sugar/give her insulin. If she raises the subject and handles it, then she can be 'in control' and put others at ease at the same time. She's old enough now to do that, and it will give her a real sense of independence, and of being truly special, not just different.

  2. Yes, we practice that talk. She is just too shy to say anything...we do a lot of role playing in the car actually!

  3. I can totally relate. I know these feelings you speak of and they are still soooo young. I don't think Joe notices people staring yet and the extent that it bothers me depends on how "d" has been behaving in our life recently and how I am doing with things...and it isn't always great...and we are not always "prepared" for how we are gonna feel when "outsiders" deal with "d" in our children's lives.

    And... I would love to get through a night of eating out without blood sugars peaking out in the 300s hours after we eat.

    Love you Kimberly. You are doing a great job and I soooo hear you. xoxo