Saturday, October 16, 2010

Your worth...

What a night! Dinner with friends, kids running and playing, decorating pumpkins and goblets, and lots of good wine and conversation. That know the one...the one I have been holding in for six days came out. It was long and arduous and bitter,  but out. I breathed. I breathed for a long time and it was relaxing and fun and just what I needed.

I didn't realize how much I had lost in this divorce. This is not a diabetes entry tonight by the way...just so you know...afterall, it's not the ONLY thing we are. I used to have what I thought was a very strong and loving circle of friends. That is, until I decided to divorce. I was so proud of these women, felt like I had finally met some really strong, confident, nonjudgmental people. Ha! The joke was on me. I quickly realized that my "perfect married life" was directly linked to my "perfect" circle of friends. The majority of them are still around and I can call them if I want to, talk to them if I want to, but it isn't the same. I was part of a couple apparently and not an individual to this group. That has been made clear. Divorce somehow scares people and makes them take a closer look at their lives so I can only assume, this is why these friendships became nonexistent in a matter of days. One friend, the one I have known the longest, actually ended our friendship...she told me that we have not been close for years, that she did not agree with my decisions, basically that I was a bad mother, etc. I was devastated for about five minutes, until my sanity kicked in. Who needs a friend like that anyway. Who not only kicks someone, but absolutely crushes and paralyzes them when they are already down? And with many things in my life, a switch was turned off and once a switch is can no longer be turned on. As much as I may want to flip that switch will never happen. I am a very strong person. It may take a while to get myself where I need to be, but I am protective, I am loyal, I am honest and I am open. I do not waste my energy on hate or regret, but I do know how to move on without looking back. This is what has happened in this case.

So, this brings me to tonight. I have been having quite the pity party for a couple of weeks now. I mean...I have divorced, starting working again full time again after seven years, and attempted dating all in a short amount of time. I have lost friends and I have made friends. Tonight, I was with new friends. Friends that have been through what I am going through. Friends that have been single a while. Friends that understand that I am not the norm right now. But most of all...I was just around FRIENDS. Women who were not afraid to smack me around a bit and wake me up. Women that reminded me of what I am worth. Women that do not look at me and see mistakes or faults but see someone who is brave and courageous. I am not a pity party has dealt me a lot and I have always taken it with a vengeance. So, what's the difference now? There isn't one. I am worth honesty, integrity, loyalty, forgiveness, understanding, and unconditional love. I will accept nothing less....from anyone. Ever again. I got my groove back...finally.


  1. Great post, Kimberly. I didn't realise you had been through so much, recently - well, we have only just 'met', I guess! I really admire you for your honesty and your courage. You're an inspiration and a great Mum. Well done, and I'm glad you had a great evening last night! (((HUGS)))

  2. Hip Hip Hooray for you and for friends that accept you for where you are...wherever that may be at any point of time in your life. I too admire your candor on this blog.

    I cannot even begin to imagine parenting solo, working full-time, with "D" in the mix. I get how you got there though. No judgement coming from VT! If anything, awe and applause are coming from me. You are doing an amazing job handling it all. I am sure you will hit some bumps in the road along the way; that is OK. You are one tough will handle it with grace and determination.

    Happy Sunday!

  3. Thank you both for your support! Means a ton...