Those Damn D's

My life has been inundated with D's...diabetes, divorce, Dexcom, delusional, desperate...you name it. It starts with a "d." Well, I am Done. Take that...letter D. I am Done.


My almost 7 year old has diabetes. She has had diabetes for 3 years now. She did really well the first couple of years and seemed to handle things like a pro. That is, until this spring. This spring, Lily decided she hated diabetes. She simply did not want it anymore. At this same time, I was realizing that I was not a happily married person and some changes were going to occur.


Lily had started wearing Dexcom. That was the catalyst for her. Dex was just too much. She now no longer wears it. Since this spring, Lily has decided she wants to be a boy. She has stopped wearing dresses, no longer takes dance, wants to play football, and has taken a liking to boys briefs. We have struggled to let her make choices and to have her feel comfortable with who she is. Problem is, she doesn't know who she is and is very lost. She says she wishes she was a boy. She doesn't feel comfortable in her body. What do you say to that? Therapy? Already got a call in.

It is my Duty as her mother to show her how to cope. She has been Dealt a set of cards that no child her age should have to Deal with. She is having a hard time with this Damn Disease and this Damn Divorce. She is doing her best to stay strong and not fall apart. She is like her mother and father that way...refusing to ever give in to Defeat. This kids has no chance of ever being a victim. It's simply not in her genes. And we will not allow it.

Diabetes is like a song that is playing softly in the background while you are busy living life. It is at times mellow and barely there but when the chorus picks up, it is loud and deafening to sensitive ears. It stays that way for a while and then goes back to it's mellow tune...only to keep playing the chorus when you least expect it. I wish it would stop so my little girl could hear the laughter, wind, birds and silence...with no interruptions, like other kids do.