I haven't written lately because I've been having a hard time finding the right words. My life has taken a 180 degree turn...in zero time. I went from married, stay at home mom of two, to divorced, full time working mom...all in a month's time frame. Crazy how that happens...at lightning speed. And at my own doing. I am happy. I am happier than I was. That is for sure. But it's weird. Diabetes is not my sole reason for waking up each day. I have actually thought about ME. Thought about what I want out of life for me and my kids. It is bittersweet. It feels good to care about myself but there is guilt for not only thinking about my kids. It's crazy. I promised myself that if I started blogging, I would be honest and raw. So I am.
I feel like a little bird that is trying to fly for the first time. I get out there and try to spread my wings, hoping I won't crash and burn, yet I do again and again. I am determined to learn to fly so I keep pulling myself back up...but it is exhausting. And heartbreaking. I know I will spread my wings and soar but it is going to take time. I need to take care of myself first or I am no good to my kids. I need to remember what it is that I want out of life, and need, and not settle for less. It is important to show my girls that you don't give up, or give in. You have to be strong and fight for what you believe in.
Lily really needs to learn this because she has been dealt a very specific deck of cards...ones that will be forever changing and cause her a lot of ups and downs in her life. She needs to have a good role model...someone to look up to you. Someone that she can say always went after what she wanted and got it...if it was good for her...but turned away from something that wasn't. She needs to know that she is loved and that she is not different. She is just a very strong little girl. I need to get my focus back.