A Little Hiatus...

Although I love blogging...I have decided to take a little hiatus! I am in such a good, positive, happy place in my life right now and I really want to focus on the girls, finding a job, enjoying my life, and my love, Matt. Diabetes has been so in the fore front with my last job, my life, Lily's life, etc. We are all doing so well right now and just filled with happiness. Lily actually asked me why I can't stop smiling anymore the other day. I just laughed. I am happy...for the first time in a very long time, I am truly, utterly happy and fulfilled. Well, except for the job part...every other part though is just amazing.

So, when I write, I tend to write more on the negative things...I feel like I have realized, accepted, and am now exploring what I want to work on with myself. I am still here. I am still living a great life. And when I feel the need to write and I cross this hump...I'll be back! I'll still be reading though! xxoo

Staying Positive...

I sit here today in frustration. Partly because I am exhausted. Lily was 149 when it was time for bed. I had gotten the girls a cookie from Dessert Gallery earlier in the day and I let them split it last night. I gave her the correct bolus for it and put her in bed. At 11, she was 200ish. At 2, she woke me up...she had peed in the bed because she was in the high 300's. Big. Huge. Sigh. Damn cookie. Damn diabetes. Damn me for staying up late AGAIN. So, I corrected her and she crawled in bed with me. At some point, Abby had come down and crawled in my bed as well. I spent the better part of the night hanging off of my side while my children were sprawled out sleeping like little angels.

I woke up at 6:00 and hit snooze up until Matt called at 6:20 and pretty much made sure I was out of bed (thank you baby). The three of us were dragging but made it on time to school. I was supposed to come home and run again but was just too damn tired and too focused on job searching. So, I got on the computer and went to work.

There is so much rejection in job searching. I hate it. I know I have the skills, education, ambition and motivation to succeed at just about anything. Problem is, selling yourself on a little piece of paper is not so easy. So, I am now trying to call by doing some detective work on these companies. We'll see what happens.

I am remaining positive though! Things are not too bad yet and I can always get a temp job at any time. I am lucky to have a supportive family and supportive friends. I am lucky to have a good head on my shoulders. I am lucky to have a roof over my head and a fully stocked fridge. I am lucky to have two amazing little girls to cuddle up to and love on. And...I am lucky to have the love of my life by my side cheering me on. I am lucky because these things are what really matter and keep me going. It is easy to focus on the negative and stay in a rut. I have no desire to do that though. Why would I? What could possibly come of that?

Amy...

Had to share this because it was so sweet and I needed it so bad today...this is what life is all about! This is what blogging is all about...helping each other out! Thank you Amy!!!! And read Amy's blog. Her oldest, Ben, is autistic. Her youngest, Josh, has CHD (Congenital Heart Disease). Amy never slows down, never gives up, never gives in...she just lives every day to the fullest that she can possibly can. Love you girlie!

Oh...and I found about shabbyblogs.com from Amy too! :)

http://amyfromtheheart.blogspot.com/2011/05/for-kimberly.html

Diabetes Overwhelmus...

I am pretty sure I have "Diabetes Overwhelmus" as they say at CWD FFL. I am on overload. I feel like screaming. I need a little break. Just a tiny one. I have done it to myself by reading so many blogs this past week. I logged on to Facebook this morning and noticed that every single person that shows up on my home screen is from diabetes...lots of organizations. I have like 3 different JDRF pages on there. So, I did a little clean up on the Facebook account. My friends were long gone.

I know you can't really take a break from the big D but I need to read some other information on my computer when I am browsing. I can't just look at diabetes related stuff anymore. So, I have been reading about the Arnold. Much more entertaining so thank you Arnold for your entertainment...although I am sure Maria is not so thankful.

I am really looking forward to my little trip to Scottsdale this weekend to see Matt. It's been almost a month since I have seen him and I am anxious to just lay by the  pool while he is golfing, etc. and read my Kindle. Escape sounds like just what the doctor ordered!

D-Blog Week Day Seven-Last Day: What I've Learned From The Doc...

Wow. Too much to write in a little blog about how much I have learned from the DOC. First, I have learned that there are many of us all over the world. I have made friends in so many other countries whose kids are diabetic. I feel like anywhere I go, someone will understand. Second, I have learned that every child really is very different and every parent is very different. We all have the same thing in common, keeping our children healthy, but we all go about it at different levels and in different ways.

I will forever be grateful to the PWD that are adults for giving me a glimpse of what Lily's life will be like as an adult. It has helped me heal tremendously to read about how NORMAL these people are and that they are doing all of the wonderful things that I hoped she would do. It's like proof that this disease won't consume her.

I have also learned about a ton of new products and research! I have gained a better understanding of this disease by reading all about other people's experiences. I really wouldn't have it any other way while fighting this battle. I have always had my local support by the way of close friends for me and for Lily. I have totally enjoyed making friends all over the world that share this journey with me as well!

D-Blog Week Day Six- Snapshots Saturday

A day in pictures!! A typical morning at the Coan house with our morning testing...only little Abby wanting in the action today! :)

 Lily's Kit

Abby checking her blood sugar (97)

Lily checking her blood sugar (131)

D-Blog Week Day Five- Awesome Things

There are a few awesome things diabetes has brought us!

1. The DOC-I am so happy to have found the love and support from this generous community. It is so nice to feel a sense of belonging and have this journey to share with others.

2. My local support- You know who you are!!! I never would have made it through all of this without my close group of D Mamas here in Houston. Knowing everyone is a phone call away is amazing! And our kids getting to play together is wonderful!

3. Our family seems to have gotten a little closer.

4. It has been very humbling for me to see that there is more to life than the average things.

Thanks for all of the support from everyone!!!

D-Blog Week Day Four- My Wildcard

Today's topic was "10 Things I Hate About Diabetes." Well. Here's the thing...there are a lot of things I can list that I don't like about diabetes but I have chosen not to. I have spent the last couple of months in a funk. I have had some very raw emotions while I am finally, almost four years later, working through my thoughts on this disease and how it has affected my little girl. I can't keep focusing on such negative things. I am in a good place right now. Things are looking up. I feel healthy, happy, and strong! I have two beautiful, sweet, loving, healthy (yes, I said that) little girls and the love of my life. Plus, a wonderful family and friends. I want to focus on that.

So, today I want to send out an apology. I had dinner with two newly diagnosed families that I met out here a couple of weeks ago. We went to the golf club so the kids could play in the grassy area out back along the water. It should have been a fun, peaceful evening. I had just been laid off and was a total grumpy ass. We started talking about night checks, etc. and I started telling horror stories. Yes, I was that mom. The one that when you tell someone you're pregnant, they tell you all the people they know that have miscarried. That was me. That is not usually who I am. At all. I even ventured out to tell them all about Dead in Bed. I am sure I scared them to death.

Here's where I get all fuzzy. I started my blog to both raise awareness and have a safe place to work through my feelings with diabetes. I have met the most wonderful fellow bloggers as well. So, I do believe in educating and making people aware this stuff does happen and you can't ever "lighten up" when it comes to diabetes. It doesn't so why should you? On the same note, being that I read up on this disease like crazy and I do blog, I am privy to hearing all about those that have lost loved ones or been through horrific events with diabetes. So, does that make me more in tuned to what can happen or make me more paranoid? Would I turn a blind eye to the complications like many do if I didn't read so much? Who knows...

All I know is that I am sorry to the two ladies that I had dinner with. I am sorry I was a Debbie Downer that night. And I am sorry if I scared the crap out of you! I am going to stick to my own diabetes care from now on and let the rest of the world stick to theirs. Afterall, as I say frequently, every child is totally different and that doesn't change with diabetes!

D-Blog Week Day Three- Diabetes Blooper

Today is the day of bloopers!

The only blooper I can think of was drowning Dex. Several times. The third time was priceless though.

Lily drowned Dex by jumping in a pool on day 4 of getting it. Back to square one.

I drowned Dex after Lily left it in her pocket and it got washed. Well, we had a discussion about Dex and remembering to check all pockets, etc. About a week later, we were revisiting this discussion when I grabbed Lily's wash and dumped everything in the washing machine. At that precise moment, I realized I had not checked her pockets either. There, floating in the machine, was Dex...on the gentle cycle. Drowned. Again.

We have never put Dex back on.

I can't really think of any other bloopers that have happened. There have been the usual mishaps...changing Lily's pod and forgetting to take the old one off so she went to school double podding it. Forgetting to bolus. There was a time I forgot to give Lantus when she was first diagnosed.

Fortunately, nothing too severe has happened!

D-Blog Week Day Two- Letter Writing Day

Dear Lily,

You melt my heart every time I look at you. You have the biggest, brownest eyes I have ever seen and you are so innocent that you can literally see your every thought in them. I am so proud of who you have become and how much you have grown in your short 7 years.

You have learned to sit
You have learned to crawl
You have learned to eat solid foods
You have learned to say so many words
You have learned how to share (sometimes)
You have learned how to play sports
You have learned your letters and numbers
You have learned how to read
You have learned how to ride a bike on two wheels
You have learned how to draw and paint
You have learned how to be a loving friend...

And you were diagnosed with diabetes.

All in 7 short years.

I know that diabetes is always going to be with you. It is not all you are though. I want you to know that diabetes has made you stronger and braver than anyone else I know. I want you to know that I think you have done an amazing job at handling all that this disease has thrown at you at such a young age. I want you to know that when you are sad about having diabetes, you are not alone...I am sad with you. When you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, I am here to help you with that burden in any way I can.

I never want you to lose hope that one day, this will all be behind you. And if it's not, it will get easier for you to manage. You are different Lily. But it's not diabetes that makes you different...it's your beauty that shines through your beautiful eyes. It's the way you care and love for things that matter. It's the notes that you leave for your little sister that are so loving when you think no one else sees them. It's the times I catch you laying on the floor with Scooter and Reilley, rubbing their tummies and whispering sweet nothings to them. It's the way you look at me with that bashful look under those insanely long lashes...the look that is going to stop many boys hearts. You are different because you are an unique individual that loves herself...diabetes and all. And I love you more than anything.



Love,

Mommy

D-Blog Week Day One- Admiring Our Differences

Today is the first day of D-Blog Week and I am so excited to be participating! Karen at Bitter-Sweet started this last year and this is my first year participating! Each day for the next seven days is a new topic on diabetes! To find out more about D-Blog Week and look at the topics, click here.

I wrote a blog last week about My Soap Box Rant so that pretty much covered how I feel about the importance of us D moms and PWD's supporting each other. I just wish everyone could act like a grown up and get along. We are all in this fight together. We are all after the same thing...a better life for our children or ourselves while we wait and pray for a cure!

Now, there are all different types of blogs out there on diabetes. I wasn't introduced to the mommy blogs that I have grown to love so much until two years after Lily was diagnosed. The first blog I started reading was Six Until Me. Kerri has had diabetes since she was 6 years old. As the parent of a little girl, her future has always weighed heavy on mind.

How will Lily feel about diabetes?
Will she be a well-adjusted teen?
How will she hide her pump at prom and her wedding?
Will she have a healthy pregnancy?
Will she drink (still freak about this one)?
How will she feel checking her blood sugar on dates?

These are things that run through my head. And how will I prepare her for these things so that she feels comfortable enough within herself to do them? That is the big question as her mommy. Finding Kerri's blog and reading her experiences with all of these things gave me some insight as to how Lily feels and will feel as a PWD when she is a grown up. It is certainly different than what we are going through but as time goes on, it will be the same.

When I went to CWD last year, I was able to meet Kerri and it was like meeting a rock star. She was just as warm and bubbly in person as she is in her writing. I also met Amy at DiabetesMine and Scott from Scott's Diabetes and Lee Ann from the Butter Compartment. And so began my journey into finding other blogs and starting my own. I never realized how fulfilling it would be.

The Gift for Me...

This year for Mother's Day, I am giving myself a gift....the gift of believing. I believe in love. I believe in honesty. I believe in the power of knowledge. I believe in following your heart. I believe in getting help when you need it. I believe by surrounding yourself by good people, you are only doing yourself a favor. I believe positive energy leads to good things happening. I believe you cannot give a child too much love...or an adult for that matter. I believe that some things are meant to be. I believe in hope and how it helps to cope. I believe in a cure. I believe in forgiveness.

 

And...I believe in myself.

Happy Mother's Day!

My Soap Box Rant...

This is going to be brief because I am starting a new day in my life. I am going to run upstairs, hop on my treadmill, suffer through a run, and then go continue my job search...all in time to hopefully make my daughters' school picnic if the cable guy shows up.

So...here it is. There has been a lot of nasty stuff going back and forth on blogs, Facebook, forums, etc. I was personally privy to some attacks on a forum a couple of months ago. We are adults people...we are entitled to our own opinions. BUT...we are also responsible for choosing our words carefully and realizing that this is a public place so it is not wise to use your own opinion to counsel others on how to treat their child's diabetes. That is not safe nor is it fair to a newly diagnosed family. They are overwhelmed, cautious, and searching for anything to make diabetes seem as NORMAL as their lives were before. Is it a good idea to constantly discuss the negative side of diabetes? IN MY OPINION...no it is not. Is every child going to have complications? No. Is every family going to "hover?" No. Are some? Yes. And that is their personal choice.

The truth is...diabetes is a disease. It does not go away. You can't downplay diabetes. It is your child's LIFE. You also simply CANNOT judge the way someone else treats diabetes in their home. Every child is different. Foods affect every child differently. Exercise affects them differently. The temperature outside effects them differently. I could go on and on. Until one has literally stepped inside of another's body and lived their life for a long period of time...you have NO RIGHT to judge. At all. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. It's not nice. Plain and simple.

It is also not nice to attack anyone for their opinion. Words get misconstrued. Ideas don't always come across the way they were meant. I personally want to reserve these times to ask that person to simply do a re-write and maybe better explain what the thought process was. Correct a mistake if one was made.

So, that's it for me. Off the box...outside the box...whatever.

Disney with Diabetes...

Guest Post by Robyn Adams, Disney Destination Planner and D Mom! Help is here folks!!!

If you are planning a trip to Disney anytime soon, call Robyn and get the much-needed help in planning your trip. She specializes in Disney and diabetes and other challenges.  Robyn's husband and son are both type 1!

My name is Robyn and I reside in Woodstock, Ga with my husband, son, and many furry critters (and a few scaley ones).  It all started when my son was 3 and my sister took us with her family to Walt Disney World.  From that moment I was hooked.  I already had a love for Disney when I worked for the Disney Store in college.  However, it wasn't until that trip that I developed a deep passion.  Since then, my family has taken several trips a year.  I have made it my goal to learn as much as I can about traveling to the parks.  From budgeting, to dining reservations, to planning grand adventures for large parties with a multiple age range of children, I have experienced a lot.  I have even taken advantage of using the Disney Florist to decorate our room for my son's 7th birthday - such a wonderful treat!  

Now I have been able to take that knowledge and passion, and become a Disney Destination Travel Planner.  I couldn't be more excited.  I have graduated from the College of Knowledge.  Constantly, I am reading and researching new and exciting ways to take advantage of the most MAGICAL PLACE ON EARTH!  I love to be involved with others as they plan their Disney trips.  I thoroughly enjoy helping everyone that I can in planning their magical adventure. 

The services that I offer in planning a Disney vacation are completely FREE!  I can assist with budgeting, room selection, dining reservations (with attention to food allergies and restrictions), tours, "grand gatherings", transportation services, and personal itineraries.  My family has stayed at every resort level within the park and I have learned the benefits and experiences that they offer.  Whether you are traveling to the parks, going on a cruise or going on one of Disney's amazing Adventures - I can help with it all.  It is my goal to be personally attentive to every detail in order for you to have the most magical vacation. 

When my son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 4, I became even more aware of ways to travel to Disney.  I have learned and experienced more of what they offer and how they genuinely care for everyone that comes through their gates.  There are many tips and strategies I have gathered through the years to make our adventures flow smoothly with few bumps. 

Please feel free to contact me and ask me anything that you need to know or are concerned about.  I know that it can be overwhelming traveling with a loved one with Diabetes or any type of special needs, but it is possible and it can be magical.  I will be happy to share with you the many things I have learned through the years and share my personal experiences. 

You can contact me at Robyn@travelwiththemagic.com or call me toll free at 1-800-670-4312 ext 125