Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Frustration...

Yesterday was a tough day. I was exhausted. I was exhausted from lack of sleep, weird dreams, BG checks all night, a sassy 5 year old, eating too many sweets, having a very persistent cold, etc. I could go on and on. I was in a mood and I was totally looking forward to having a night to myself. I didn't want to be bothered. I left work, went home, started dinner, put on my jammies, and poured myself a glass of wine. I ate dinner in silence and rented "Eat, Pray, Love." I figured this was appropriate given my newly single status.

So, I finished my meal and curled up in a ball on the couch to listen to Julia Roberts meditate and fly around the world trying to find herself. On a side note, I didn't connect with her character since I hate meditation and think it's for the birds...does NOT fit into my hyper personality. Anyway, I was thorougly relaxed and enjoying myself when I got the call from H ELL from my ex. Lily had torn off not one, but FOUR pods at this point. She was NOT going to change site locations and she was hysterical. My ex was frustrated beyond belief. My night was slowly crumbling. He needed insulin.

So, at 8:30, I got up, got dressed, and drove insulin to his house. Lily was in hysterics. He had finally succumbed and put the pod back on her arm in the spot she likes. You see, Lily has become a warrior fighting against diabetes and all that present it. This year has been a full blown disaster with technology. She decided about two months ago that she would ONLY wear the pod on her arms and in ONE spot. She now has a rash on each arm that can't quite heal since there is always a pod sticking to it and insulin being administered into it. The skin is retaliating as is the absorption of the insulin. I said good night, hugged my kids, and went home to finish my movie.

I crawled into bed at 10:30 and drifted to sleep. I was rudely awakened at 12:00 AM by my ex calling...Lily had ripped off two more pods and now had ketones. Everyone was hysterical at this point. He finally got a pod back on her arm and we all went to sleep.

So, now I am struggling with whether or not to let Lily take a break from her pump so she can see how hard shots really are...she can experience having 7-8 shots a day, not grazing, not having playdates without me, no more sleepovers at Aunt Kristine's house, etc. She seems to think the grass is greener and maybe she needs to recognize it isn't. I'm just not sure. And...this is one of those times to not judge...we have tried grounding her, talking to her, reasoning with her, bribing her, taking things away, giving things to her, paying her, threatening her, etc. She is relentless. I know the simple response is, "she doesn't have a choice, make her wear it." WOW! I never thought about that (sarcasm folks)! We are at a loss here. Diabetes just plain sucks...


  1. I was going to say "she doesn't have a choice, make her wear it" but I guess that isn't the answer.

    I don't know about the situation with your ex, etc. But is rebelling against the pod how she's rebelling against other circumstances in her life? Just wondering. Maybe it's not about the pod at all, but about being able to *control* some aspect of her life.

    As a caretaker, I really don't want to go back to MDI. It's so much hassle and extra work. I love how the PDM calculates boluses and we don't have to do as much thinking or math any more.

    Maybe the answer is going back to MDI and letting her see how much freedom she will lose.

    I wish I had an answer for you! Good luck!

  2. (((HUGS))).

    I can feel the pain, the frustration, the exasperation in your post. I imagine this to be a situation that has had you near tears and/or plain ol' bawling like a baby. I know I would be. UGH.

    Hang in there and please give us an update on how things are going.

  3. I have been preparing her all day for her consequences if she rips another one of her pods off. She is definitely trying to have control over something and the thought has surely crossed my mind that this is a direct result of the divorce. I hate this for her. Hate it!

  4. Kim I wish I had THE answer. I agree have her go back on MDI and if it works for her and shes happier than F it. Justice disliked his pump the first 2 months and insisted MDI was better. I wouldnt say one is better than the other honestly unless we are talking tighter control.

    He felt he was checked less, and didnt want something always ON him. It is possible its a rebellion against the D of divorce and not D diabetes. I say switch it up and see what she says.

    If you need to talk....xoxo (((((hugs))))))

  5. Hi Kim-

    I've been (kind of) here, but from your daughter's perspective. When I started on a pump about a decade ago (when sites were not as comfy as they are now), I really struggled... for several reasons.
    1. It wasn't comfortable! I was eleven at the time (but had growth hormone deficiency, so I was closer to the size of an 8-9 year old), and I didn't have much real estate available for comfy sites. When I found a site that felt manageable... it was hard to agree to rotate. This was also because...
    2. I developed an allergy to the tape used for the site (I was using a clear tape at the time- tegaderm- there weren't as many cloth tape options then). I read that your daughter has started getting a rash on the spot she's been wearing the pod- and the description sounds a bit like what happened to me.
    I was to the point of ripping out sites just because they made my skin crawl. My parents definitely thought it was just because I was being a kid and wanting to be in control (and part of it probably was), but once we started seeing the rash and went to the doctor... we figured out the tape allergy! Part of the rash was from the allergy itself, but it had really become a problem because I was scratching the sites so much (the rash was itchy).

    Anyway... I went back to MDI for awhile to let my skin heal up, and then switched to a different site with cloth tape (minimed quicksets), and my compliance issues disappeared. I also started taking an anti-itch med to help prevent further problems, and used a lidocaine containing cream on future insertion sites to numb them a bit and prevent insertion pain.

    Maybe one of these issues could be at play?

    Regardless, I hope you get it worked out soon! My mom just read this post with me (I'm home from college on Christmas break)- and she and I both feel you and your daughter's pain :(

  6. Hi Kimberly, I'm so sorry you are struggling so much with L! I have had diabetes since I was 12 years old... now 27 with two kiddos myself :)

    I think you hit on something when you were talking about control... that is certainly a VERY big struggle for folks with diabetes. Lily is a person... a small one, but a PERSON none the less.

    Let her make a decision... who cares if its the "harder" way. The little one has no control in her life and her world was already rocked with diabetes, now with the divorce, she's as much at the end of her rope as the rest of you, maybe?

    I mean, most kiddos get to choose what color crayon the will use or PBJ or grilled cheese? right? So, if giving her some say in the diabetes... it MUST be treated, of course, but maybe she can just have some in put in HOW it's done? That could give her a little comfort as her world really is out of control right now.

    That's the long way of saying, let her take shots... after 9 years of shots, 3 on and off the pump, and 3 years full time on the pump for pregnancies- I've decided I LOVE shots so much better!

    Kiddos are skinny little people, like me, pump sites are uncomfortable and some times you just need a break. I'm happy to talk to you more about how I make shots work in my life :)

    Best of luck, and diabetes sucks,
    Jenn Gwennap, RD

  7. You guys rock...seriously!!! I am going to see how things go with our site change on Saturday and will update everyone!