The Switch...

I have been stuck in a bubble. A bubble I can't seem to penetrate. I bob around in this bubble half-functioning in my daily life. I am tired. I am stressed. I am confused. I am heartbroken. I am worried. Through all of this though, I remain hopeful.

I hope for a peaceful existence for me and my girls. I hope to go to bed at night with a smile on my face and not a tear on my pillow. I hope that each day brings more positive energy to me and my heart heals a little more. I hope that I can trust that love is on my side and not against me...trying to teach me some sort of life lesson. I hope I regain the insurmountable courage and strength that I once possessed for all things. I hope my five year old can help me understand what she is going through that makes her not want to sleep alone or be away from me. I hope that diabetes doesn't claim my oldest child...my little girl that brings me the purest form of love. I hope I can find a way to make ends meet and still enjoy my life as a single parent. And I hope I can just learn to find happiness from within...to control the paths my thoughts take me down. The unwanted territory that I often get led to.

I am human. I am passionate. I am made of many, many layers. I refuse to hide behind a happy face and let all of these things manifest inside. I tried that and it did me no good. I am flipping my switch today. Flipping it back ON. I am going to let the light shine again and realize that there are some things in life I simply cannot control. I control what I do about these things and I want to look back on my life with pride and say I did the right thing always for me and those that love me. THAT is how I need to be defining my life. That is how I penetrate the bubble and move on from here. I have made a deal with myself today that I will no longer exist in another shadow but live in my own light. The only key to fulfillment and happiness, in my opinion, is loving who you are and knowing you have not jeoparized your worth! What better gift can a mother give her children after all, than that of a happy and healthy mother?

     “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi

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