The Cycle...

It just took me ten minutes to log in because I couldn't focus long enough to get my password correct. One of those days...

I did something I am not proud of today and I did it because of a past occurrance. I broke a trust. I broke a trust that stems from a trust that was broken to me. Does that make sense? It's a cycle. There is a neverending cycle in my life. It goes round and round and round.

I wake up every morning and get out of bed. I let my dogs out, I start my shower, I go upstairs and check to make sure Lily is in fact alive...I kiss her. I go downstairs and kiss the redhead that continues to climb in my sleep-deprived bed unnoticed at some point after 2 AM. I get a call from Matt. I drive to work. I work all day. I drive home. I say bye to the sitter and kiss my girls. I start dinner. I act as referree while the girls fight over a HUGE sectional couch and needing more room. I play with them for a bit and then I put them in bed. I skype with Matt. I say good night to Matt, check Lily, and I go to bed. I wake up at 2 AM and go upstairs and check Lily. I stumble back down to bed. My alarm goes off at 5:45 AM. Same thing again. Everything  comes right back around.

There is an argument that my love and I have over and over and over again. There is a toxic element to our relationship that just won't go away. So I have come to a crossroads that I don't much care for. And I am too tired in my body and soul to even remember a password.

I want peace. It's all I have ever wanted. A peaceful existence...someone who loves me as much as I love them, as healthy as possible kids, friends that are forever supportive...it doesn't seem like too much to ask for.

So, I am back to my life and what's the best dose of medicine that anyone in this world can ask for? A hug and a kiss from my beautiful babies.