Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Cycle...

It just took me ten minutes to log in because I couldn't focus long enough to get my password correct. One of those days...

I did something I am not proud of today and I did it because of a past occurrance. I broke a trust. I broke a trust that stems from a trust that was broken to me. Does that make sense? It's a cycle. There is a neverending cycle in my life. It goes round and round and round.

I wake up every morning and get out of bed. I let my dogs out, I start my shower, I go upstairs and check to make sure Lily is in fact alive...I kiss her. I go downstairs and kiss the redhead that continues to climb in my sleep-deprived bed unnoticed at some point after 2 AM. I get a call from Matt. I drive to work. I work all day. I drive home. I say bye to the sitter and kiss my girls. I start dinner. I act as referree while the girls fight over a HUGE sectional couch and needing more room. I play with them for a bit and then I put them in bed. I skype with Matt. I say good night to Matt, check Lily, and I go to bed. I wake up at 2 AM and go upstairs and check Lily. I stumble back down to bed. My alarm goes off at 5:45 AM. Same thing again. Everything  comes right back around.

There is an argument that my love and I have over and over and over again. There is a toxic element to our relationship that just won't go away. So I have come to a crossroads that I don't much care for. And I am too tired in my body and soul to even remember a password.

I want peace. It's all I have ever wanted. A peaceful existence...someone who loves me as much as I love them, as healthy as possible kids, friends that are forever supportive...it doesn't seem like too much to ask for.

So, I am back to my life and what's the best dose of medicine that anyone in this world can ask for? A hug and a kiss from my beautiful babies.


  1. I'm sorry you're hurting mama. If you need me I'm here!

  2. The cycle is felt through your words...the exhaustion palpable. I'm with Lex, so sorry to hear it and we are here. xo

  3. Seriously don't know what I do without you guys! Thanks for always being there...I gotta figure out what I am doing for good...so in love but distance is a bitch and there is an ex that just won't go the eff away.

  4. Oh no. I'm so sorry Kimberly. I know you are emotionally, mentally & physically exhausted. Call me. I'm always here for you. xoxo