This blog has taken a turn since my life took such a drastic turn. It seems to be a means of self discovery. I had a great life. Things changed. It happens. It doesn't mean I'm a different person. I am still the same old me...keyword "OLD" me. Meaning, I am who I started out to be. I was a fun-loving, beer drinking, semi laid back (other than the mild case of OCD), super romantic girl. I got married very young, to my standards, and life happened very quickly after that...we bought a house, we got pregnant, I started my Masters, I quit working, I got pregnant again, I finished my Masters, Lily was diagnosed with diabetes...all of a sudden, we were adults. Eric was working his ass off to make ends meet (at barely 30) while I was taking care of two babies and managing a disease I knew nothing about. We did it all the best we could. Neither of us was happy. We coexisted in a marriage for a very long time simply because we were too tired to make it better, too busy to stop and think about it, too unhappy with each other to really care about trying. And the funny thing is, people always think diabetes played a part in it. IT DID NOT.
Since then, we have recognized our faults, taken blame, assigned blame, almost killed each other, stayed close friends, all while still raising two little girls and starting new lives. We are both happier. We have both moved on. No one understands how we could be married for 10 years and move on so quickly. Well, we are both pretty determined people, both Type A, and both hate to be in limbo (probably all things that contributed to the demise of our marriage).
I have since reconnected with a friend from high school that turned into a boyfriend. It wasn't supposed to, but it did...and it is a great thing. Even Eric likes him. My boyfriend came to the JDRF Walk with us the weekend before last and spent the whole morning with my entire family and most of Lily's friends. And it was comfortable to me. He seemed so comfortable. He wasn't even nervous. So sure of himself and us. Wow. I was impressed. I hope that my girls find that sort of comfort in themselves as they grow. I hope they meet someone that makes them feel like they can conquer the world.
So, I feel like I have been in a state of self discovery for months. My dad told me when I was in college and suffering from my first heartbreak that, "Every bad relationship is a stepping stone to the right one." I always believed him. I also believe that every relationship has TWO people in it so it is important to reflect on what you did to contribute to the end and learn from it. So, that is where I have been for awhile. I don't want to take the same mistakes with me in this new relationship and I haven't. I am just thankful to have been found again by this amazing person. And I am thankful that I have no regrets about any relationships I have had. I've been one blessed girl...that's for sure.