Today I feel blah...again. I'm sitting at work with not a lot to do on this Veteran's Day. It's pouring down rain outside which only makes the air conditioner feel colder and my eyelids feel heavier. If it weren't for the constant sounds of the Metrorail horn and the ambulances passing by, I would be out cold...gladly...hopefully, with my mind in a better state in Dreamland than it is in Reality.
I'm beginning to feel like Stink the Dump Truck that Lily wants. You build a wall, you tear it down only to start building it again. This stupid wall...this wall that wouldn't even be there had I made better choices. I follow my heart and not logic. I do things before thinking 99% of the time. I say things before thinking. If it comes to the mind, usually it slips out of the mouth. Now, some people love this about me. You always know what I'm thinking and there is no question as to where you stand. Others, it drives them insane.
I am a passionate, romantic, HIGHLY energetic, neurotic, FEMALE. Not good combinations...lethal in fact. So, when I am passionate about something, I go at it with the strongest perseverance of anyone I know. In all aspects of my life, diabetes included. If I see something I want or something that I think needs to be accomplished. I go after it with all I have, plain and simple. It is how I operate. I know no other way. Likewise, if someone does something I really don't like, I go after them with the same perseverance...only politely.
So, I am trying to learn after this roller coaster year of my life, how to slow down. I had someone tell me once, "It's like you are driving to New York across country and it's the most beautiful drive yet you don't see it because you are so focused on getting there." That pretty much sums up my way of thinking. And now, I am trying to tear walls down and NOT rebuild them. Leave the spaces open and full of light.