Pure exhaustion...

I have got to get some good sleep. Soon. I slept great all last weekend because my kids were with Eric and I was just one little happy camper for personal reasons. Now, Eric is out of town and I have the girls for a week. Which is normal, and fine. Only, prior to this new life, I wasn't working. I didn't have to get up at 6 AM and God forbid...put make up on. Put clothes on other than gym attire for that matter. I can no longer roll out of bed and get in the car in my slippers to drive car pool. I have to be...put together. Ugh. With lipstick and perfume...at 7:30 AM.

And I have to quit drinking so much. I am not some sort of hard core party animal, whining wino mommy. But I do like a nice cold beer or a spicy, bold red wine with dinner. My dad and stepmom are in town as well and when they are, the drinks are flowing.  And it makes me more sleepy. So, I go to bed at 11:00. I go to bed stressed out because I have been a total neurotic nutcase for at least 24 hours. I have treated my boyfriend horribly for no other reason than he scares the shit out of me sometimes...he's so...amazing. That's another post...anyway, I do my nightly routine of brushing teeth, letting dogs out, turning lights off...and most importantly, checking Lily's blood sugar. She was 178. This was, again, at 11:00. I set my iPhone alarm for 2:30 like I do every night, turn on my sound machine, and fall into the land of the sleeping. At 2:30, I am awakened by the annoying alarm. I open one eye, and spend the next 10 minutes convincing myself that Lily is fine, she was fine at bedtime, I really don't need to get up. Then, my mind goes straight to Leahanne's post yesterday on d-mom and how we get up every night to check, etc. Then, my mind goes to Dead in the Bed Syndrome. So, I drag my sleepy rear out of bed and make my way to Lily's room. She is sleeping like a little angel with her finger peeking out as usual. Low and behold, she was 82. WTH? She dropped so quickly and had no insulin on board at 11. She had played ALL day long with my dad so I can only assume exercise caught up with her? Who knows. What I do know is that I gave her 20 grams worth of chocolate milk at 2:30 AM with no insulin and she was 104 this morning at 7 AM. So, she would have dropped severely had I not checked her. I am constantly reminded EACH time I think it's okay to go back to bed of why I don't.

So, I am a tad tired today to say the least. After that close call, I had trouble going back to sleep. It's worth all of it though. Every second. To wake up this morning to Lily standing next to my bed asking me if she can have her own email account...it is priceless. I am her mom. I am her guardian. I am her pancreas...at least for now.