Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Relationship Factor...

I've been thinking about diabetes and relationships lately. This topic has come up quite a bit recently with my D friends here in Houston. Does diabetes impact your relationship with your spouse or significant other? Do you often fight about how to manage diabetes or place blame for crazy numbers?

For the longest time, I never thought that this disease affected my marriage. I will stand by the fact that diabetes was not the cause of our demise but it did play a role in the added stress it brought to an already sinking ship. Moods were altered at stressful times when diabetes was involved. We also handled situations very differently. I tend to remain more calm when things are going awry with this stupid disease. My ex handled things much differently and still does.

Diabetes can wedge itself in between just about anything and I think it's really difficult to push it out once it has found it's comfortable spot in between you and your partner. It is so easy to blame someone for a 400 on a meter. When in reality, it could be an insane number of things that caused that number. And even if it was what you fed your child, lesson learned and move on. Placing blame helps no one. It only exasperates the situation at hand.

Dealing with your child's fears, dealing with other people's judgements, dealing with the loss of a "healthy child," feeling alienated from your friends because your life takes so much planning and worry, etc. can easily be transfered to stress that is transfered to be taken out on your partner. We have ALL done it. I am divorced and still have to talk to my ex about Lily constantly. The battle still ensues at times. It's hard. But we tend to make it harder.

I think it's important to remember that we are all on the same side. I think it's important to have a "20 minute rule" (a timeout for tempers to cool). I think one of the MOST important things you can do is turn TO your partner for help and to vent instead of AGAINST him or her. Grab a glass of wine, sit at a table, turn everything off, and focus on hearing each other...just for 10-15 a day if that's all you can do. I think you'd be surprised at how much this will help your relationship and relieve some stress.

Also, remember you are not alone. No relationship is perfect and no one is so special that these things don't directly affect them too. If someone claims to have a perfect relationship where they get along 24 hours a day, there is a truth that is untold somewhere. It is healthy to long as you know to do it with respect!

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1 comment:

  1. Love your insight. While we don't have diabetes in our marriage, many other diseases wedge their way in - selfishness, defensiveness and busyness to name a few. Thanks for the reminder to fight this stuff head on!