Friday, April 15, 2011

The Blue Candle...

It breaks my heart to see a blue candle. I will never have a blue candle in my home means so much more to me to see a blue candle than to those that it has no meaning. A blue candle for the DOC symbolizes the death of a person with type 1 diabetes. Every time I log on to my computer and I see profile pictures of blue candles, I lose too many breaths and my heart skips too many beats. Who has this disease claimed now? What family is grieving? What sibling is now an only child? What wife is now a widow? It is heartbreaking.

I don't post my blue candle for awareness. I don't post my blue candle to be morbid. I don't post my blue candle for any other reason than to show this family that has lost their loved one that I care. That their child, wife, husband, mother, sister..whatever this person was...meant something to me and I am here thinking and praying for them. It is frightening to think of the possibilities that diabetes has waiting around the corner at any given time. And it is devastating to think that someone has been lost.

It is much the same as the status updates that have to do with people losing a loved one to cancer. We might be a smaller bunch in our community but it is the same. Lives are claimed daily for all sorts of reasons. Whether it be a disease, a freak accident, or a war that is taking lives. It is all a mystery. It is life.

I have been thinking about these candles all week because more lives were lost. This is my reality because this is the fear in my life for my loved one being taken.

I don't want to fear for Lily's life. I want to praise her life. I want to wake every morning as I do thinking about how blessed I am to have the two most precious little gifts in my life. Every time they look at me, I melt. Every breath they take is reason to me that I am the luckiest woman alive. The sleepless nights, the worry, the constant chasing of numbers, etc. is nothing in comparison to the thought of my friends lighting a blue candle for me.

My little girl is diabetic. She needs insulin to live. She requires management in the form of a medical necessity. My little girl is the strongest person I know. She is the bravest person I know. She has all of the best qualities from her mommy and daddy all wrapped up in one little does her little sister. She is the smartest and most giving person I know. She cares deeply for others. She just wants to be a kid. That's all...plain and simple. So I shield her from blue candles. I just teach her to take care of her disease and to treat it with respect and hopefully one day, she can take all that she has endured and make use of it but free of this damn disease!

A friend shared this and I love it:

I Wish by Heather Headley
I’d give you the moon but
you’d never know the warmth of the sunshine.
I’d give you the world but
exactly what would that do?
I’d promise you wings to fly,
but how would you ever learn to run?
So I wish you all you need,
to be more than I could be.
This is what I wish for you.

I wish you rainy days
so you can know the beauty of a clear blue sky.
I wish you falling leaves
so you’ll understand that seasons change.
And if I gave you the mountains, would you learn to climb?
I pray you’ll always see the forest through the trees.
And this is what I wish for you.
And this is what I wish for you.

If I could I’d say the word and chase your fears away.
And I’d stay right by your side and show the way that
you should take.
This your life.
This is your story.
And when all is done and said,
may you live with no regrets.

I wish you ocean breeze
and rivers that bring you everything you dream.
I wish that the air you breathe
is all that you will ever need.
And I wish you nights of love and days of joy and
shoulders when you cry,
And just enough hello's to get you through goodbye
And this is what I wish for you.

I pray one day you’ll have a home with arms that open wide,
And you’ll have someone who loves you, always by your side,
And if you lose your will to try, I wish you wings to fly.
I wish you wings to fly.

I wish you everything you need.

And this is what I wish for you,
And this is what I wish for you.


  1. Replies
    1. I'm a naughty boy, and what do you do today, mom kissing. your son has to have diapers on herself today mom kiss

  2. Pass the tissue box! Beautiful post!

  3. Me too...Me too...all of it.

  4. Thanks everyone...haven't had the urge to post in a few days...just decompressing from the move. Maybe after my trip this weekend to see Matt, I'll get back to things!!

  5. Aww...this is beautiful! All of it. Your emotions. The poem. Just beautiful!