Choices...

Choices are important. Choices are essential. Choices are worth fighting for.

Choices.

Sometimes having too many choices can cause stress. I always gave my children two choices when they were little.

"Do you want water or milk with dinner?"
"Would you like me to read you a book or draw a picture?"

If you just say "What would you like to do?" it opens the door for some very indecisive and disruptive behavior. I wish things were that simple as an adult.

I was raised in a society where women having choices was essential. It was important. It was worth fighting for. I would never want anyone to take away my right to make a choice. I have to be honest though, as a woman that is a mother, sometimes these choices make life really hard.

Along with the tons and tons of good things that come from staying home, you also have guilt for not working and contributing to the financial things your family needs to survive.

Guilt for putting it all on your husband to bring home the bacon.

Guilt for not using your education you worked so hard to get.

There are feelings of inadequacy.

Feelings of not being able to carry on a conversation at a Christmas party without it turning to butt cream and diaper rash.

When you work outside of the home, you have equally alarming feelings of guilt.

Guilt for missing the first word.

Guilt for leaving your child at a daycare for hours and hours.

Worry that your child is somehow going to be affected negatively for not having one of the parents at home.

As a woman, this pretty much all falls on you. You can't win most of the time because you are going to beat yourself up either way. There is no right answer. You do what is right for your family at the time. You do what makes you happy as well as your children. We have no way of knowing the exact answer.

As much as I love having all of these choices at our fingertips...I wish they didn't come with all of the emotion packaged in. I have been on both sides of the coin throughout my journey as a mom. Choices are important and essential but...having them can be even harder sometimes.

The Critic...

A few days ago, I walked into my bathroom to shower. I came out of the closet and there she was...my worst critic. She was saying things like, "Wow. Your tummy is a perfect little pooch. Your legs are a little jiggly and used to be so tight. You're so out of proportion now. Look at those dark circles under your eyes."

Right around the same time that I was getting this absolute beating of the soul, my husband texted me and said, "I am amazed by your beauty." It was at that moment that it hit me...women are so hard on themselves.

I turned to look at my worst critic and I vowed to do everything in my power to make her go away. I stared at her and I just wanted to cry. I was staring back at myself.

Where did this woman come from? I have always been confident. I have always been okay with my body. Why do I feel the need to be so perfect? I won't wear my clothes if you can see the tiniest imperfection in them. I try to wear very loose shirts so that you can't see my tummy. This same tummy that has this little pooch because it was busy growing three beautiful babies...one so recently that I still have the "seam" running down the center of where he sat for nine months.

The dark circles because I am up making sure my daughter is okay to make it through the night with her blood sugars.

My jiggly legs because I am trying to juggle a full time job, a new baby, two diseases, and a family...and still figuring out when to squeeze the gym in there.

I will get there again. I will stop my critic from slamming me. I will take my time and enjoy my life while I am still adjusting.

I truly believe in positive energy and the power of positive thoughts. I work hard every day to try to change my way of thinking. You get back from the universe what you give to it. The same goes for yourself. I'm still learning to accept me for me. Work in progress.