A Letter to the Worst Disease Ever...

My Dearest Diabetes,

You are at it again. As soon as we get slightly comfortable, you rear your ugly head. Is this meant to be a reminder that you are strong? To remind us that we cannot slack? To let us know that yes...you are still here and not going away? Do you think after six years your antics still work? Let me tell you something about the strength of this family...

We will beat you every time. You may knock us down for a brief moment in time but I can ASSURE you, we will get back up. And we will get back up stronger than we were before we fell. So, enough with your bullshit.

Waking up in the middle of the night to the vibrations of a failed Dexcom...then waking up this morning to a failed pump with very high ketones and the threat of DKA...you had us for a bit. But as I sit here typing you this letter, I am listening to my beautiful, vivacious, loving little girl laugh with her sister. So screw you Diabetes. We prevail again.

You cannot make us weak. You cannot make us feel sorry for ourselves. You cannot make us quit. You will not take her life or her spirit. In fact, all you do with your shenanigans is show Lily exactly how strong she is and that she can conquer anything. We have a fantastic life full of love and hope...nothing you do will ever break that. Give up.

Love,

Lily's Mommy and greatest fan

P.S...thank you to my amazing husband for yet again being the voice of calm when I am dying inside from panic. I love you with all of my heart.

Coming Together...

There were pieces missing for so long; the parts were continuously moving and wouldn't click together the way they were supposed to. It's hard to live that way. You get one piece put into place and it seems to push another piece a little further out. So many moving parts. It's exhausting. It's draining. It's an uphill climb day in and day out...for everyone around you. I couldn't figure out what was missing or how to make my life fall into place.

I had become this melancholy and timid person that was surrounded by and giving into negativity. I had to get out. I have learned so much about myself in the last year of my life. First, I don't do conflict well. I have to be in a harmonious environment, both personally and professionally. That was key to my happiness.

Changes had to be made. I was scared though. I couldn't find the courage to change so it was easier to stay in the vortex that was spinning me around.

Then it all stopped. There was no more fear as it was replaced with love...again. In the last year I lost a baby, and thankfully, gave life to one as well. My pieces finally stopped moving when Henry came. He was the missing piece that molded the puzzle together. He was meant to be in our lives. My husband was meant to be in our lives. I was meant to quit my job finally and take that plunge...Henry gave me that push. My family is complete. Nothing is out of place now. I smile in my heart. All. Day. Long.